i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
