I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
