What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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