I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize