I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
