Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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