I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
cat food counts as protein by the way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my liver is dry heaving
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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