Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize