In the future we'll all be gay
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
