This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
