So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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