Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
