I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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