you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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