K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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