Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
