just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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