i already hear my dad disowning me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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