Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize