FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
