i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
