Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
