Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
