Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
