he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
