woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
