You made me cry and you don't even care
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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