just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
