I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
