So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
