dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
