I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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