Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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