This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
well I can't set my house on fire every night
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
