You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
