she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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