You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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