Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
