i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
