For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
