His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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