One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
