Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
