her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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