I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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