Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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