Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
