I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't turn off my feet"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
