"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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