apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
NoShamevember. You game?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
