How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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