If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
