You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
