I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
