What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
