I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
