Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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