I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
