was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
