Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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