talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
