I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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