It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
