that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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