I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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